I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
