If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
