I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
