he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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