I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
