We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
