that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i drank out of a bidet.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
