Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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