Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
