I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
