i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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