your room smells of hookers.
And success
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
