Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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