I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
