It's like God shit irony all over that family
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize