yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize