her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
