We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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