So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
