the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
