Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
