I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
