May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
