What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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