When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
