my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
