I'm so fucking centered right now
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize