you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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