My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
