just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
