u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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