Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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