I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
