Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
