I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
