tell your sister to shave her snatch
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize