I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
