everyone is single if you try hard enough
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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