That's when you crack a 10am beer
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize