Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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