my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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