The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
