Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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