you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
