What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
