It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
