I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
