Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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