What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
