It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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