Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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