There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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