swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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