O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
