Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
