I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this boner is exhausting
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
