We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
