just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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