This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize