Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize