His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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