Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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