she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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