This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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