What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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