I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
