what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and she was petting her beer can
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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