id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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