So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is wine microwaveable?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
