I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
