During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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