I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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