no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i out mim tonsoeep
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