i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
