My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
