She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
