take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
