Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
