Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
