I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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