Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
