I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
