This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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