shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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