I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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