I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize