I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
