Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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