my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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