Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
