the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
