I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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