I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
