At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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