I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
