just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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