so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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