What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize